RAGE!

That's what I'm feeling right now. I'm so mad at the way some forces are treating me. Why are so many things going wrong. But I knowone thing that's going right for me, I have Jesus on my side, so in the end I'll turn up as the winner.
My only consolation!
I desperately feel like saying so many bad words and insulting so many people. But I won't... I'll just rest in Jesus to calm me down.

This is the day that the Lord has made.

I have made a pact with myself that no matter how crappy a day goes, I will always something good, you know, see the best in every situation...
Yeah right. That's a lie. I just decided not to write about how bad my day has been!
Can you imagine this nice man, a very nice man indeed. My urology consultant, after I gave him my log book to sign me out for my rotation with him, he left it somewhere in the very ward where I gave it to him. The Pediatric surgery ward. Let me show you how it went.

Act1 Scene 1
There I am clerking a confused little boy trying to figure out how long he's been on admission in the hospital, frustrated by incongruent statements and Anthony walks up to me.
Anthony: Did you intentionally leave your log book by a patient's bed?
Me: What? (Confused at the sight of my log book in his hand, wet in the front)
Anthony: Your log book, it was by this kid's bed, and he peed on it. (He handed over the book to me)

With disgust in my expression I took the book by the corner and began to peel of the paper I had used to cover it.

End of Scene 1

I mean can you imagine that! Pee! On my log book! After I handed it to the man some 15mins before.

Next thing he comes up to me asks why I didn't return the projector to the office after the class. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I HAD TO RETURN IT WHEN NOBODY TOLD ME! I'm not the one who went for it! Now it's my fault? GIVE ME A BREAK MAN!

Next they say the case I'm clerking isn't my current consultant's case, so I find someone else's and join in, along with 3 others. Then this man (my new consultant) comes in and says 2 to a case, just when we were almost done.
And because we were so many and his patients were few, we ended clerking another case which wasn't my consultant's case!
Imagine that! And all this happened just before 1pm. I'm tired, my back is aching and I have to be back for a lecture with this man at 2. And I have to be early because we are so many above 60 and there are about 40'ish seats in the whole place.

Having considered all these, I would still say this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it. At least the sun is shining and I'm not "sick", so yeah it's still a good day, and it's only going to get better.
I hope I can still make it to church tonight though.

Message to Jacks

Here's hoping Clovers in a bramble will notice this.
I really wanted to post a comment, but I didn't find any such option so this is how I get to say what I want to say.
So often I let things I feel go unsaid, well not today.

I read your Feb. 11 blog, and I really identify with that. It's like you desperately want to have that close relation ship with someone, but it just doesn't happen. Life can feel so lonely sometimes with noone to share stuff with. I know, I'm living that life. (That's partly why I started this blog, in secret hope of making new friend).
One thing I do is find different people to tell different stuff to. I don't put all my eggs in one basket!
You don't necessarily need one best friend, well you just need a few friends who really care about you and can be there for you when you need them.

And more important than having a friend is being a friend, and giving what you wished was given to you. That's what I do. Maybe it doesn't always work or make me feel better. Believe me I have loads of issues about myself and relationships, but that's a topic for another blog.

Just wanted to say if what you said about yourself in that blog is really true then you're a really cool guy, a person I'd like to know and none of the bad names you named. But staying close to Jesus is really how you can overcome these feelings, it's not always easy, but going to Jesus always works. And some things take time to be fixed, so don't give up on yourself, on true love and on people. Because that's what God uses to get us out of these horrible ruts we seem to find ourselves in...

What a couple of days!

You wouldn't believe what I just went through in the past couple of days with that I mean yesterday and today though.
I had to finish some mega assignment (11page essay) of and another one (4pages) work in one night. And can you imagine when I started working? Yesterday at about 5pm. Yes, and I had to turn the first one into a power point presentation when I was done.
It actually felt good to work so hard. I mean I stayed up till 4am and still wasn't finished by then.
The good thing for me was that the first lecture of the day was cancelled. (could you believe we had been waiting for the lecturer in class for about 15 mins only to call him and find out that he was out of town). I don't even think he knew he was to teach today. Anyway so I used the opportunity to finish what was left of my work and google for some more pictures to add to my power point prez. before printing everything out.

Phew! I was already tired by the time I got there. Did I mention I had to run the presentation through with a friend and borrow a laptop and go to my room twice (the first time I forgot my key at the internet cafe).
At least I was only ten minutes late, but lucky for me my consultant was busy talking to some other people, and we had to wait about thirty minutes.

After all said and done, I think my presentation was a blast!
Not in the good sense of the word though. I couldn't answer questions well. I was so nervous, I couldn't even read from my own slides, everything I said was from my head. And Lastly I think I was very very very boring! The consultant was dozing off. And my audience didn't seem appreciative.

I am just now slowly realizing I have a confidence issue, that I have to deal with, but it won't be easy.

At least I had something to present, and I learnt a lot from it all. And most of all its all over now and I can enjoy a couple of hours of afternoon sleep.

Sweet Dreams dear [Yawning]

Oh God! It's soooo.. dry!

I just can't believe this. The rainy season's supposed to be longer than the dry season. Here in sub-Saharan West Africa that's just the way it is, or is supposed to be!
So here's the story. We're in the middle of the rainy season, it's like raining everyday then all of a sudden yesterday, the air was very dusty, dry and cold. I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe someone was just doing some cleaning around my room and the dust was just traveling far. Then I woke up this morning, (well I actually notice it after class at about 10 am) and what do I see outside my balcony. Just guess. This hazy dusty mist of whitish air. A typical harmattan morning seen, as if we were in the middle of the dry season. Imagine that!
And it had rained just a couple of days ago.
Are the forces of nature now against me, just because I said I loved the rain on Friday?
I just can't believe this, but at least we're not having acid rain.

This global warming thing is really changing the weather pattern, and I'm afraid to think of how things would be if the weather gets worse. Because it seems nowadays like if it's not unbearably hot then it's unbearably dry. I don't know how we can fix it, but if we don't try doing something about it now (that is if it isn't too late already) the next thing we'll realize is that the whole earth will be covered with water from the melting peaks of the arctic areas of the earth (THE END OF THE WORLD).

Just Another Why Question.

Have you ever had one of those times where you had a job or something to do and you knew, like you just had that in-depth feeling right your very soul that it's going to turn out great. It's like for some unknown reason you just have this great confidence that you'll make it and the results are going to far outweigh anyone's expectations of you including yourself. It sort of raises your expectaions, like something extraordinary is going to happen and just then poof, the moment you do it it's either normal or worse.

Why does that happen anyway? I don't get it. Is it that something extraordinary was really going to happen and I messed it up at the last minute or was that just me deluding myself.

I was going to sing at fellowship meeting yesterday and I thought it was going to be really something, I really did. In fact I was so convinced I could have bet all the money I had on me that it would. (Maybe not all my money, I would have set aside what I was going to give as offering and to buy my supper)
Anyway, the moment came and well it was just normal. Well I can't really tell about how it affected the people before whom I sang but for me it was just normal, I didn't feel anything. And I didn't get any comments about it anyway.

If I hadn't felt so great about it in the first place I would have been elated by now, because I haven't done that before and I should have been pre-occupied with just getting through it without any mistakes which I did.

Ah well, I still like to think there was maybe something I did that didn't let things go the way it was supposed to but I just can't get a hold of it. I like to believe I'm an extraordinary person with great things to do in this life, but it tends to happen too often, especially with things I feel I'm naturally good at, when I eventually do them, well... the results are never as good as I think and sometimes even very bad.
Hey, maybe my real natural talent is having this overactive imagination. But dear God! I really hope not!

Healing Rain.

I think there should be such a thing as rain therapy. It's good for the soul to once in a while stand in the rain, heavy or light and like a child who doesn't know better, to dance in the shower or water from heaven. The weather has bee so very warm, or hot, to better describe it. The cool fall of rain is just what mother earth needs to cool it down. the water puddles I played around in were warm and made me wish they were much deeper so that I could swim in them.
As I danced and sang songs about rain to myself, I felt so elated and glad, it was amazing how much joy this odd but simple pleasure brought me. I think it healed me for a moment. I felt so loved by God that He would let rain fall on me. I was drenched and cold, and people were screaming at me to join them cuddling up under small shelters of the tents of vaiours stores and in the small verandas of some office buildings. I'm sure they thought I was out of my mind. Maybe for the moment I was, and I just walked on smiling and feeling acomplished in what I was doing.

It's days and events like these that restore my hope in life. My hope that soon everything will be alright and I will be healed completely....

Have a nice weekend. :-)