Friday, May 28, 2010


Sometimes, like today , I just wonder about the fact that there are so many people in this world. So many different cultures, ways of life, belief, etc. And we all came from one man, Adam. How can people who started from the same family have ended up so different, not only in looks but in patterns of thought and standards of morality.
I watched a movie the other day and this man was talking freely with his about 6yr old son about sex, and I don't mean sex education.
There are so may differences!
Well that's just what I needed!
I don't have to be the same as my mother, or do the things she does, the way she does!
I want to be or let me say I already am one of the many billion people in the world who believes differently and acts differently and its okay.

Well I'm not always to sure of that.

I am a strong believer in individuality, but I can't helo but think there are some individual ways of life that may not just be according to the will of God. How do you know the will of God.

It's a question I once knew the answer to, I pray I discover it again.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Yeah, isn't that great, I passed my exxam, with good grades too!
Yesterday, I honestly wasn't sure what to expect. I was feeling so left out among my classmates. That's because I now almost all of them have no idea how it feels to be expecting to pass only to realize your name isn't on the exam result list (in other words you failed the exam) Well it's happened to me twice. Not a good experience.
So when this year I was having so much trouble, I knew I probably wouldn't make it. At least it was a possibility. I had subconsciously prepared myself for the worst. But thank God I didn't have to go through that experience.

I don't want to say I didn't trust God, because somewhere inside me I was really afraid. But the funny thing is I kept saying I trusted him even though I didn't really feel it.

With all the difficulties I was going through, finding it difficult to study and even to remember what I had studied, I had been praying that God would give me just a pass (which is 50.0% here in medschool)But apparently I was in the 60's. Isn't that great.

I'm really greatful to God for everything though. I don't exactly know how I feel though.

I don't feel relieved as it a part of me expected to pass. I just feel numb... and greatful. For the first time in a while I am not burdened with the pain of having to go through this again, and can safe;y without tears call home and tell them my exam results. The accusations from the ones you love when you fail in an exam are the most hurful things in the world.

I just thank God for everything!

But I'll keep a promise I made to him, to be there for those who weren't as fortunate to have totally good news. To help them to study and pass in the re-sit.

God is truly Good...

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Really there is. It's now so difficult to find a decent movie to watch. I mean one without nudity portraying the view that premarital sex, promiscuity and smoking pot is normal and socially accepted. I watched three movies yesterday, (Actually about 2 and a third) I fell asleep in the third movie.
My point, there is now almost no movie that respects and honours virginity and purity. If you don't do it often, then you're a prude? Where did that come from?

I mean, since when did having sex become a primary need of of the human race. Well to some extent for procreation, yes it is needed or else we'd go extinct. But seriously, for an individual, why does it have to be a must for you to do it at least once a month. That's the new healthy! Since when?

I'd like to say, it has not been scientifically proven that it is in fact that important. Eating, drinking and breathing are important. Having a social life ( a healthy one that is)with friends and family are important for a healthy and fulfilled life. But sex, isn't. It's only healthy in a marriage. No Where Else!
That's the only place where the once a month rule thing works. But your physical body isn't what needs it, it's actually an emotional thing.

It just sucks now that the beauty in that union of a man and his wife is lost and now what is glamorous is when it's outside marriage and the person doesn't have to live with you. Come on, now adultery is fun and exciting.

All I have to say is BEWARE WHAT THIS WORLD PUTS FORWARD AS FUN AND EXCITING. They are usually all lies and have bad consequences, both physically and psychologically (emotionally). But really all these things do are mess with your head because deep inside you always know that although it feels good when you're doing it, it feels wrong after you've done it.


The long traumatic exam

I know it's been a while, but between studing for my very very hard exams and my crazy bouts of psychological instability, it's been vey difficult finding time to sit up and write anything. But thank God I'm here now and it's all behind me.
Well not exactly!
Although I believe by now my faith has been decided it's not over until I see my results on the notice board tomorrow.
Actually that was figurative. I actually don't really have the guts right now to go stand in front of the crowded notice board to check for my name. I had this bad experience once, and it's made me loose all desire to ever be there, especially when there are a lot of people around. I'll have a friend check it for me.

I pray I do well.

I've really been battered emotionally and psychologically in the past few months, with everyone I know as a friend letting me down at one point or another. I really had a hard time and I think it has affected who I am.

I really think it has affected my relationship with God because I feel really distant. I don't want to be, but somehow, I've come so far without realizing it and I don't know how I can fix it.

I think about where I was with God almost three years ago and I've lost most of it. All I have left is this part of my heart that doesn't want to give up, but still desperately wants to love God and live for God. My prayer and bible study life, well, I'm not so happy with. I often feel I really need help, or I need to get out of here and meet new people and make new friends who would be concerned about what I'm going through enough to help me to get back on my feet.

Until then, or until God does something totally wonderful and supernaturally brings me back up, I'm not the happiest person in the world.

Please pray for me, whoever you are reading this long and boring blog.