Thursday, May 6, 2010

The long traumatic exam

I know it's been a while, but between studing for my very very hard exams and my crazy bouts of psychological instability, it's been vey difficult finding time to sit up and write anything. But thank God I'm here now and it's all behind me.
Well not exactly!
Although I believe by now my faith has been decided it's not over until I see my results on the notice board tomorrow.
Actually that was figurative. I actually don't really have the guts right now to go stand in front of the crowded notice board to check for my name. I had this bad experience once, and it's made me loose all desire to ever be there, especially when there are a lot of people around. I'll have a friend check it for me.

I pray I do well.

I've really been battered emotionally and psychologically in the past few months, with everyone I know as a friend letting me down at one point or another. I really had a hard time and I think it has affected who I am.

I really think it has affected my relationship with God because I feel really distant. I don't want to be, but somehow, I've come so far without realizing it and I don't know how I can fix it.

I think about where I was with God almost three years ago and I've lost most of it. All I have left is this part of my heart that doesn't want to give up, but still desperately wants to love God and live for God. My prayer and bible study life, well, I'm not so happy with. I often feel I really need help, or I need to get out of here and meet new people and make new friends who would be concerned about what I'm going through enough to help me to get back on my feet.

Until then, or until God does something totally wonderful and supernaturally brings me back up, I'm not the happiest person in the world.

Please pray for me, whoever you are reading this long and boring blog.


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