Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I was hit by a wave of reality just yesterday. I was asking my dad for money, yeah I know, almost 23 and stay living off my parents. But I can't help it I'm in full time med school. I really wish I could get a job though, because I hate to have this lecture where my dad tells me how he struggled and worked hard to put himself and his siblings through school.

I realized how important becoming a doctor is to my dad, and my whole family. I've been dreaming about following my dream and doing that which I love and I just realized it was all not possible. They're depending on me to make it in life and not depend on anybody (most especially not a man). So I guess that's what I have to do. I never thought I would be one to work hard and all for someone else not to suffer what I'm suffering. But I guess that's what it has come to. I can only hope to make my kids have the opportunity to go to any school in the world to pursure whatever they want to do, be it dancing or acting or anything else. I don't have that opportunity. I don't see it in the future, so I guess I should just come to terms with it.

Another thing I've just realised, is that I'm a good dreamer. I can really think up stuff. It's just I've been believing too many fantasy stuff. Like true love and romance. NOT REAL. People always end up marrying people they'd just be comfortable with and can manage with. Not someone who makes their heart race everytime they come near. It's a very nice dream but that's all it is. It doesn't exist. We might as well have marriages arranged as in the olden days.

Real romantic love, doesn't exist. It's an illusion. Very beautiful, though, but still an illusion. A mirage that you falsely see ahead, but when you get there, it's just the same dark road you've been treading all along. Two couple I knew, were together for a long time, there was no doubt they'd get married soon after school. Well guess what? That love and romace wasn't enough. They broke up! One guy's getting married over the week-end to some girl in his church whom he works with. (In other words familiarity and onvenience) not romance that conquers all odds. And people only stay in marriages because they don't want to mess up the heads of the kids or that they just don't have time to go through the process of divorce, or are afraid of the stigma. It's not love!

I think that's why the divorce rate is so high in america. I think, if people stop looking for that illusion of love, and just make do with what they have as a marriage the divorce rate will drastically fall.

But the point is we as humans are drawn more to shunning this abismal truth and living in a world of wishful thinking where dreams come true (but the whole point is that they don't unless you're really rich or can get to someone who is). Everybody wants to be happy, even if it means believing a lie.

Right now I find myself agreeing with the saying that ignorance is bliss. Because the ugly truth all expectations of certain things from life. I was much happier believing someday I would find true love and get married to it. Now, I don't even like the idea of marriage because I don't believe that falling in love is real, or lasts long or can overcome the obstacles that everyday life brings you. It's sad and upsetting, but I know I'd better face reallity now before it slaps me in my face as I fall down a cliff.

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