Wednesday, June 2, 2010


There are times when everything seems very difficult and I mean really difficult. I had a few myself. How did I handle it. Not too well if you ask me. I avoided talking to people. I think it helped. I just wish I had a friend who would look for me when I'm hiding myself and pray with me, encourage me.
But no, my loneliest times have been my times of greatest anxiety, pain and fear.
But even in those times, I managed to get through. I could actually get physically ill from depression and not be able to get out of bed. But somehow in the morning, I feel better.

I don't know how other people get through times so terrible there seems no solution. When shame and embarrassment weigh you down so much you can't show your face. Or when anger is so great you are capable of hurting people around or even when the hurting is so great that you can't stand the sight of other human beings. I've had all these felings together at one time.
I know what got me through were my short conversations with God, when I told him how I felt and that I didn't think I could make it through.
The healing process was slow and all, but I'm thankful I have someone who wouldn't judge me, or be angry with me or offend me, but would only help to give me solutions to all my problems, one at a time. It's hard for me though, but I guess I'll be just fine.

Even in the worst of times, I still have a hope, never mind how small it is, the important thing is that it still exists, and I know that some time in the near future, all this pain will be gone.

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