I went for a wedding over the week-end. Travelled out of town. And guess who I met? My almost ex. He's my almost ex because I never agreed to be his girlfriend. But I almost did.
Let me tell you the story. I wanted a certain book, and I didn't know where I could buy a copy, and my really tight friend tells me she know a guy who could get me one. So we go for this prayer conference thing and funny enough he brings the book to my friend who is there with me, without me even noticing. So when I get the book from my friend the programme is over and he's gone, so I take his number to call and say thanks. Next thing you know, he calls me and we start this phone relationship. We used to talk almost every single day. He had this prayer meeting he would go to at church late in the night, so we would talk till it was time. I must say, I really enjoyed those conversations.
Next we arranged a meeting, I went over to his place. Well he sounded good on the phone, but physically, he was no Pierce Brosnan. He wasn't looking or anything, it's just that he wasn't what I expected. Of course I knew I could get over that quickly and I did. Our phone relationship continued. I didn't know at the time how deep we were getting in, but I thought we were just friends. Then the conversations began getting a bit intimate, he was telling me stuff I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. Don't get too naughty in your thoughts, it was nothing obscene. He was just starting to say he saw a future with me, and even mentioned marriage. Not asking me to marry him of course, we were obviously too young for that. But he was just getting weird on me. Then he did the unthinkable. He declared his love for me.
Of course I said nothing in reply except that I wasn't interested. Anyway, I decided not to call him again after that. That's when I realized, I didn't really want to be in a relationship with him anyway, because I was doing all the work. I was calling him almost everyday. I was the one always going forward. When I stopped, he never called me back. If he had been more persistent I might probably have given in along the line. But the thing is he didn't. I was just the nice "convenient" girl he had a lot in common with. I did all the work! That's when I decided I would never do all the work in any relationship.
But he did call me once some months after, but my phone was lost in my bag and by the time I could find it, the call had ended. I waited for him to call back, but he didn't. And that's how it ended. Until I saw him at the wedding on Saturday.
This happened over four years ago, and I didn't know how to handle it at first. My decision at first was to avoid him. But that seemed stupid, because we had so many friends in common. The the moment came, and we were face to face in a circle of friends who hadn't seen each other in ages, hugs were going round. For a moment I contemplated being formal with him and shaking hands. But before I knew it, I hugged him, just like my other friends. He looked surprised, but then, so was I. It felt kind of wierd at first, but then I just acclamatised. I was glad I was looking really pretty at the wedding, and I wished then I had a boyfriend to show off.
All in all, we did a little catching up, before he had to rush home, because of some emergency. I was glad he was going away.
Looking in retrospect, I wonder what I was thinking when I actually considered him. Because, he had really not changed much, and he was irritating and childish. I don't think I a relationship with him would have survived anyway, even if I hadn't been doing all the work.
Anyways, After him I made a promise to myself to never make myself easy for any guy. If you liked me you'd have to work because I'm not ready to do any of it. Not until I have enough proof from you that you'd do the work. If ever I'm the first to call, then it's over before it even began. And if that probably puts me off the market, I have no problem with that. I'm not desparate. I think I've managed quite well without a boyfriend so far.